Negative Action

AFFIRMATIVE RESPONSE:

Choky and Sid are two Korean-American, sixteen-year old boys. They are in Choky’s bedroom, sitting on the floor, smoking a six foot purple Grateful Dead bong. The floor is littered with White Castle wrappers and bags of Doritos. There is also a large case of Busch Light beer. Open on the floor in front of them, are applications to Harvard, Yale, and MIT.

C: You know we wouldn’t hafta do this if we was black—

S: Or Latino—

C: Or girls.

S: Homo.

C: You’re homo—

S: No you.

C: Even if we was white, we wouldn’t hafta go through this.

S: Our dad could just buy a wing for the Student Union.

C: Or they’d’ve gone there, so we could just automatically go.

S: But everybody’s so down on the Asian man.

C: Everybody be hatin the asian man. Did you see this? (Picks up Harvard application). They require a 1400 on the SAT. 1400! You tell me they got a 1400.

(Beat)

S: So what’d you get?

(Beat)

C (sheepish): 860. You?

(Beat)

S (grudingly): 700.

(Beat)

Choky and Sid cackle loudly, take huge hits off the bong, and crack open a Busch Lite.

C: Dude! It wasn’t my fault! It was hard. Besides, I was out till 4 am.

S: At church, right?

C: So?

S: Why you always gotta be at Korean church.

C: My ma makes me. Besides, that’s where all the girls are.

S: But they’re church girls, not real girls. And why you always gotta do what your ma tells you.

C: I don’t!

Choky’s Mother (offstage in angry broken English): Choky! You get down here you practicing piano!

C (to the ceiling): In a minute ma!

CM: Now!

C: No!

We hear furious little footsteps advancing offstage.

C (high pitched, panicked she's going to come into his room): I'm applying to Harvard!

Choky grabs the application and holds it to his chest, as if in protection.

Footsteps stop dead. Choky and Sid hold their breath for a beat, take a large hit off bong, followed by a swig of beer.

C: Man I hate her—

S: Yer ma's a trip.

C: She never gets off me. Her and my dad both, they piss me off.

S: Mine too. They're such assholes.

C: What do they want from us?

S: They treat us like slaves.

C: We do all this shit work for them—

S: And they do shit for us.

Choky and Sid look at the applications, sigh heavily, then pull out beautiful state-of-the-art laptops, from sleek designer bags.

S: You got the link for the personal statement?

C: Yeah, I'll beam it to ya.

Choky and Sid pull out beautiful, sleek, state of the art PDAs from their bags. Choky beams the info, then they toss them aside.

S: The only reason I'm even going to college is so I can get the hell outta here.

C: No shit, me too. (Surfing net) Hey did I show you this? I just ordered it, it's shipping in 3 weeks.

Sid looks at Choky's screen.

S: Is that the TL?

C: The RL. I can't wait to rice the hell out of it. Can you see us drivin' into Cambridge in that shit?

S: It's gonna be smokin' hot.

Choky and Sid look at the applications and sigh heavily.

C (angry): It's so fucked up we hafta do this.

Choky and Sid take huge drags off the bong, followed by a long swig of beer.

S: Fucking affirmative action.

C: Loves everybody but the Asian man.

Dialogue #2: Negative Response

Choky sits at a kitchen table, working on an application to Harvard, Yale, and MIT. His mother stands over him with a wooden spoon.

C: You know I wouldn't hafta do this if I was black—

Choky's mom smacks him, hard, across the head with the spoon.

Blackout.